Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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