There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
