my soul wont recognize me after tonight
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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