so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
