its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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