as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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