fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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