I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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