You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I think pants incapable of making pants work
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize