he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
