my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Randomize
