I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize
