No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
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