So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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