her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Couch. On fire.
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