I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Randomize
