people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
