My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
