Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
