Cold hands, warm shart.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
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