Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
