Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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