Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
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