Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
