I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
