You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
