peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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