Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
