That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize