Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
