If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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