I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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