ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
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