Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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