Im at strip club and am horny
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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