Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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