can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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