he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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