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My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
