Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
