I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
