The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
My breath smells like gin and sadness
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
