me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
the gays at disneyland are vicious
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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