but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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