She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Come see our sink grown plant.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
