Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
