I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
