Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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