Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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