the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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