Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
