dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize