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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
