i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
