mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
