sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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