you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
