Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
