New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
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