i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
