Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
