So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
