Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
