I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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