I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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