Is it because I queefed?
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
