i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Randomize
