he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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