Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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