Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
i may or may not be watching the land before time
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Randomize
