I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Randomize
