I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
i just had sex bonerless
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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