Porn is love you can see.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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