her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
