I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
