Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
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